Outrageous!

I will never associate the word outrageous with a recipe again. Meaning  “gross injury or wrong” or “grossly offensive to the sense of right or decency”, “passing reasonable bounds; intolerable or shocking,” a  recipe that bad, won’t see the light of day but rather the dark of the trash bin.

Outrage is the mot de jour describing the AIG executives who passively, and without protest or  public acceptance of responsibility for the current financial crisis, accepted millions of dollars of bonus money transferred into their accounts last Friday.

At last something has happened to make the American people, including President Obama, more outraged than calling for the head of Bernie Madoff, who, as immoral as he was, still harmed only a small fraction of mostly very rich (and very vocal) people.

The outrage aimed at him always surprised me given the fact that the banks and AIG have behaved not too differently from Madoff: both suggested for years that they had assets they didn’t; the growth and success of both relied on the willing suspension of disbelieft of experts;  both rested on business models no one understood.

The venom spewed at Madoff came from his victims and from people who saw him as the epitome of greed during a time of unbridled excess, which of course he was.  We could see him, his houses, yachts, family and jewelry. The Madoff story-from rags to riches to prison duds- was picked up on the celebrity channels whose usual fodder is Hollwood’s excess.We sucked it all up because he was a living, breathing example of someone who got caught. This was legitimate and guiltless scheudenfreude.

How  the press misled us all, including President Obama. Madoff was the fake bunnie all the press dogs were chasing while out in the real world the wolves were decimating our life savings. The “bankers” and  AIG “executives”  to this day remain faceless even as the news of their “outrageous” bonuses surfaced on Monday. Executives who have left the company even after receiving-somewhat cynically one would hope-”retention bonuses”, still are at large without bearing any sense of responsibility, not just to return the money but to let the world know who they are.

Suing them, asking them to do the right thing and return their bonuses while remaining anonymous are small penalties.  Making them come forward and identify themselves to their families, friends and neighbors, and then the general public, just as Madoff was forced to do, associates flesh and blood people with their actions and allows us to hold them accountable.

Only then can the level of outrage be directed where it belongs: to the people who have lost any sense of civic responsibility and connectedness. Let them suffer the isolation, scorn, and revilement that public humiliation brings. It is a higher cost than losing their bonuses and might actually make them think twice before finding a safe haven for all those dollars abroad.

President Obama used outrage first. Pre-election people worried that his inexperience would impede effective handling of foreign affairs. We marveled at his coolness under pressure. It didn’t occur to us that a global financial meltdown would be, as one New York Times letter writer puts it today “his Katrina”.  Now is the time  we need to see youthful heat and passion, genuine anger and actions that deal with outrage in its true sense of the term. Without any of these from the administration (forget Congress, they’re so tied up in this mess you can’t believe anything they say), we are forced to relie on words when in fact words will no longer do.

Outrageous…Outstanding Gluten-free Chocolate Nut Bars

1 cup  250g      all-natural nut butter, drained of any excess oil

1 cup 220g       dark brown sugar

2 heaping Tbsp cocoa

1/2  tsp            kosher salt

1/2 tsp             cinnamon

1                        egg

2 tsp                vanilla

5 oz             chopped chocolate or chocolate chips

1. Preheat oven to 350F.
2. Line a 8″x 12″ pan with parchment paper.
3. Place all the ingredients except the chocolate into the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle.
4. Beat on low speed until a smooth mass is formed.
5. Add the egg, vanilla, salt and cinnamon and beat until incorporated. It   will look crumbly, but don’t worry.
6. Add the chopped chocolate and mix until incorporated.
7. Pour the crumbs into the pan and press evenly into the corners.
8. Bake for about 15 minutes but no more than 20 or else they will be too firm.
9. As soon as they come out of the oven, slice them into squares and let cool.

Eat one of these and call me in the morning….

Do you feel better when your doctor wears a white lab coat or street clothes? Do you read books recommended by The New York Times book review or by a friend? Do you believe in magic?

I ask these questions because as President Obama has assembled the most impressive brain trust, dream team, intellectual powerhouse cabinet, call it what you will, there’s still no sign that any of them have “the answer”.

Things are so bad that most of us are relieved that the White House is at least throwing solutions at the economy even if we don’t know why they’re supposed to work and they don’t know if they will work.

We want badly to  believe that the experts know something we don’t, know far more than we do, and will therefore somehow save us from this terrible mess. But fund manager Eric Sprott  recently pointed out  that the experts are trying to revive an economy based on behaviors that got us into this miasma in the first place; they’re not creating a new paradigm; they’re saving something dysfunctional and asking us to continue being enablers when it’s the last thing we should be doing.  He does not, however, supply any answers himself. Another expert with expert experience and opinions, but without a recipe for renewal.

And that’s why I asked the questions above: we want to take the advice of people who society says are experts: doctors in crisp, white lab coats bear the symbol of their knowledge and experience even though they are frequently baffled by the body; book reviews in the Times have the imprimatur of wisdom and intellectual range, even when the books are duds; and while there are many  things we can’t explain, like Bernie Madoff’s amazing investment returns, we still want to believe in those experts even if we don’t believe in magic.

It’s chilling to think that all those geniuses in Washington throwing money at every institution that’s too big to fail cannot predict the outcome of their actions.

And so it is with baking. Experts abound and none with more scientific credentials than Shirley Corriher who in two books-Cookwise and Bakewise- provides the scientific background for how and why ingredients behave the way they do.

Despite the fact that a much-touted cake recipe which heralded her book in that expert of expert venues, the Wednesday New York Times food section, was disappointing, tasting more tore-bought cake than homemade,  I bought Bakewise in the hopes that the cake recipe was more a matter of personal taste than of philosophy.

And so I baked expert Corriher’s Chocolate Crinkle Cookies which she describes as “slightly crunchy on the surface and gooey chocolate inside…oh yum!” What she fails to mention, although she does elsewhere in her book, is that she loves sugar, not only how it performs in baking, but how it tastes.

The cookies look great but they released hardly any chocolate aroma while baking, a sure sign that something was amiss. And while the look and texture are as she describes them, to my palate, they are a disappointment: all that expertise and a lackluster cookie. That said, my SO thinks they’re tasty.

I have bolstered the recipe by calling for bittersweet chocolate and adding cocoa nibs for additional crunch and  chocolate flavor.

Shirley Corriher’s Adapted Chocolate Crinkle Cookies

3 dozen

1 3/4 cups plus 2 Tbsp all purpose flour

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

8 oz finely choppped bittersweet chocolate, melted

2 1/2 cups sugar

1/2 cup canola oil

2 Tbsp corn syrup

2 large eggs

1 egg yolk

2 tsp vanilla

1/3 cup cocoa nibs

1 cup icing sugar

1/4 cup granulated sugar

1. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.
2. Mix the dry ingredients together and set aside.
3. Blend in the bowl of an electric mixer the sugar and oil.
   
4. Add the eggs, corn syrup and vanilla. Mix until blended.
5. Add the chocolate and mix well, scraping the sides and bottom.
6. Add the flour and mix only until the dough comes together. It will be stiff.
   
7. Chill for an hour covered.
8. Preheat the oven to 325F.
9. Roll the dough into golf ball sized rounds.
   
10. Roll each ball in granulated sugar and then icing sugar, coating completely.
11. Place 12 to a tray and bake about 12-14 minutes or until puffed and crackled on top. They will deflate.
12. Remove from the baking tray after 1 minute and cool on a rack.
    

Chocolate Stimulus Handouts

Have you, like me, lost count not only of the number of bailouts Congress has doled out since last December, but the amounts? There was the first Bush “initiative” to the banks, then the one to save Fannie & Freddie’s combined butts, then came the auto-makers and then this latest one of, what? $700 billion? Did I miss one somewhere? Now there is talk of another one of 1 trillion? How many zeros is that exactly?

This week’s congressional haggling over the stimulus bill, yet more money desperately needed to get the economy percolating again, was an embarrassment: the Republicans had nothing to contribute except stale sound bites that were about as exciting as chewing gum that’s lost it’s flavor. How many times do we have to hear them slap “earmarks” on anything and everything they don’t like, and “national security” on things they do?

As for the Democrats, with Obama making one bold pronouncement after another, they can’t seem to keep up with his vision. You would think after 8 years of being (mostly) in the minority, they would have picked up some strategy tips from the Republicans, but I guess it’s hard when you’re being told to play nice by the president.

You have to have pity not just on Obama but on poor Congress who must feel like they’ve stumbled into panhandler’s hell. Everyone is crying for something.

I know how they feel. A few nights ago I left work late, hurrying, head down anticipating a freezing cold blast only to be slapped into focus by balmy (relatively speaking, that is)  weather.

Surprised I looked up from the rivulets of slush, and saw a well-dressed young woman standing in front of me, crying. “Can you give me money for a train ticket home?” she whimpered.

This is not the first time I have been asked this. Most of the time, a disheveled  individual who can barely stand up asks for $.50 to take the bus up north, way north making the request less than credible. Or someone sitting outside a Tim Horton’s Donut shop asks for enough change to buy himself breakfast; or someone sitting beneath a blanket in front of Port Authority in New York says nothing, his fetid and filthy condition saying it all.

Usually I give something: a dollar to the guy going north, no doubt to the liquor store;  a crisp apple to the New Yorker, only to have him grimace and shout at me “You think I can eat this? I don’t have any teeth!”;  coffee and a donut to the guy in front of the coffee shop who snarled at me “F!@#&ing C$%^! I asked for money.” You’d think I would have learned my lesson but as long as someone asks, I am inclined to give, just like Congress to big business.

But there was something different about this young woman. First of all it was her attire; secondly she seemed really in distress, and thirdly, she said  “I need to go home. You can call my mother. She will pay you back.” Something like the car companies saying “if you give us the money, we will make those fuel efficient cars we’ve never made before.” Yeah, right.

“Where do you live? I asked. She mentioned a town I had never heard of near a town that I knew.

“How much do you need?”

“$8.10,” she said.

“How much money do you have?” I persisted.

“$.25″ was the reply, tears streaming down her face.

“Why so little?”

“Because I just left my boyfriend and don’t want to go back. I have nothing. I just want to go home. If you call my mom, she will pay you back,” she repeated. It occurred to me to ask for her mother’s number but that would have prolonged the encounter and suggested that I didn’t trust her. I couldn’t do that. Instead, I opened my wallet, gave her two tired five dollar bills and hurried home to dinner. Kind of like Congress signing the latest bailout bill and…heading home to dinner… only with 12 more zeroes.

Now I know how Congress feels: It’s hard to say no these days.  Will the stimulus work? Did she make it home?

Some things we have to wait to find out, some things we’ll never know. What I do know is that on this recipe there is broad consensus: it’s awesome.

Chocolate Stimulus Handout Cookies

Yield: Approximately 12 blobs

2 oz/56g Unsweetened chocolate
5 Tbsp/60g butter
2 1/2 oz/70g bittersweet chocolate
1 Tbsp cocoa
3 eggs
1/4 cup/50g sugar
1/4 cup/55g brown sugar
pinch salt
1 tsp finely ground espresso coffee
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup +1 Tbsp flour
135g/4 1/2 oz bittersweet chocolate chunks
1/2cup/94g cocoa nibs
2.5 oz/70g chopped walnuts

1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. Melt the unsweetened chocolate with the butter and bittersweet chocolate.
3. Add the sugar and mix until smooth. Add the salt and espresso.
4. Add the eggs, and vanilla. Mix until glossy.
5. Add the flour and mix until just incorporated.
6. Add the chunked chocolate, nibs and walnuts.
7. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour.
8. Drop 1/2 cup scoopfuls on a parchment lined baking pan.
9. Bake 10 minutes. Do not over-bake! They will puff and be soft in the center.

10. Cool on the sheet. Remove with a metal spatula.

11. Store in a tightly sealed container at room temperature for about a week.